Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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