this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
