I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
