How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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