I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
