Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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