So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
