walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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