Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
