I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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