Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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