i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is wine microwaveable?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
