do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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