I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
please don't ironically join a cult
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