I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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