dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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