Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
