so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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