just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
