Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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