Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
