I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
