You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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