I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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