Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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