I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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