apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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