I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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