Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I smell like Dick and happiness
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
