okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
