Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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