ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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