lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
