Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
