Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
