Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The beer is more important than you right now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
