Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
