Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
