I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
