Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
