i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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