last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
