We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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