Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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