if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I sprained my soul last night
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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