So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
