You can't motorboat a personality
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
