as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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