i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
