just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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