one might say we're banned from that church
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
