she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
