Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
