Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
