could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
