what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
