i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
