i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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