YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
