How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
