Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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