im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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