OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All the doctor said was why
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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