Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
