I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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