Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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