I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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