i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
