i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
