I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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