im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize