im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
