I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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